A Xander Style Holiday
by CorruptedSmile
Summary: A holiday in true Xander fashion. Meaning with explosives and going to the rescue of the damsel *cough* in distress. B:tVS/Into the Blue. Xander/Jared. COMPLETED.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything you recognise, I probably do own everything you don't recognise and I'm not making any money from this.

'Buffy: the Vampire Slayer' belongs to Twentieth Century Fox, Joss Whedon and others. The film 'Into the Blue' was directed by John Stockwell and written by Matt Johnson. There probably others who have a claim on the latter, but I can't be bothered to write them down. Point is that I own neither the film nor the series.

I don't own Milk Inc.'s 'Walk on Water' either, by the way.

**Crossover:** I'm going out on a limb here, but I think it's going to a Buffy: the Vampire Slayer/Into the Blue crossover.

**Pairing:** Xander/Jared

**Rating:** Rated T, because of slight adult content and swear words being thrown around as if they were Revels.

**Summary:** A holiday in true Xander fashion. Meaning with explosives and going to the rescue of the damsel *cough* in distress. B:tVS/Into the Blue. Slash.

'thinking'  
"talking"  
_emphasis_  
reference

**Story: ****A Xander Style Holiday**

Xander looked up at the sounds of a high-speed chase — one apparently taking place in the water right in front of him. He whistled the minute he saw the two beautiful machines on the clear water that were seemingly going around in circles. Every so often the one chasing became the one being chased.

His look of awe quickly changed into one of shock at the first sounds of a machine gun firing. Shooting plus a chase? That equalled badness in his book. Well, that just wouldn't do. He wasn't known as the White Knight for no reason. 'Guess I'll have to honour that name by going to the rescue of the damsel in distress.'

Now, if only he knew which boat held the damsel . . . His answer came in the form of two well-muscled men carrying machine guns walking towards the front part of the second boat. 'And there I have my answer. My guess is that they are the ones shooting. Which means that the first boat holds the damsel in distress. Don't worry, ma'am. To your rescue comes the Xan-man!'

Having decided, Xander sprung into action. He quickly walked towards his room at the one hotel this place had.

'What do I need to do first? Well, first I need to get on one of those boats; doesn't really matter if it's the boat of the baddies or the *hehe* goodies. The boat of the baddies is probably the best, though, now that I think about it. But how to stop that boat?' His face hit his palm with the typical slap-sound that usually went hand in hand with that move. 'Duh, Xander, explosives, of course! Never met anything that couldn't be stopped with enough of that.' A thoughtful look came over his face. 'A boat won't need as much as an ascended mayor, will it? Nah, probably not.'

**XXX**

Finally reaching his room, Xander started to unpack one of the many kits his backpack held. This one was called Xan-man to the Rescue and was a kind of survival kit made especially for rescuing damsels in distress. Several herbs, concoctions and weapons shrunken to Barbie-size (only to become un-Barbie-size with the right word) could be found amongst all the other crap he had collected over the years. Other crap included screwdrivers and, of course, a small amount of the right ingredients to make a cake.

"I gonna blow something up," Xander sing-songed under his breath. "Blow it up to high heaven, I will."

He looked thoughtfully out his window — a window which so happened to give him the most perfect view ever of the two boats. 'Now, how to get on the boat in question? I don't think that me playing at being a hitchhiker will work in this case. What do I have that can help me get on that boat?'

Then he saw the perfect pick-me-up present. 'Or should that be _shoot_-me-up present?'

Xander cackled — quietly so as not to disturb his neighbours in the rooms next to his.

'Wouldn't do to let them know that I have a slightly disturbing mind. Well, disturbing to the rest of the world; my girls would have no problem with him cackling about something like this. Hell, Faith, Cordelia and Dawn would probably cackle right along with me. And I'm getting off topic.'

He looked at what he had gathered on his bed and carefully counted everything on it. 'So, I've got explosives, a water-proof gun thanks to Wills and my extra little helpers. I think that I'm set and ready to go. The Xan-man is going to the rescue!'

Having said all that in his mind, Xander started off towards the beach.

**XXX**

Reaching the edge of the water, he walked as deep as he could go into the ocean; the water was coming to his shoulders when he finally stopped. He let himself float, bound the wakeboard underneath his feet, shouldered the spear gun he had brought with him, spotted the perfect spot on the boat to fasten the spear and shot. The minute the spear got stuck in the boat, Xander started to be pulled along with it. He quickly stood up on his wakeboard and began his walk across the water.

'Just like Jesus did,' was the thought that came immediately after he had started his *cough* walk on water.

He laughed out loud at that thought. 'Oh, the way my mind works sometimes . . .' And off he went, humming part of Milk Inc.'s Walk on Water under his breath.

**XXX**

He pulled ever closer to the boat. And, yet, no one seemed to notice — because all their attention went to the boat which they were still chasing.

'Talk about this being a bit _anticlimactic_. Well, you can't have everything, I guess. This just mean that I'll have to make up for the slack later. Hopefully I'll get to use my gun too. Willow has been asking for feedback about the way it works for some time, after all, and I've only used it once before now. Not enough to base anything on, let alone a report on something as important as this.'

The minute he reached the boat of the *snicker* baddies, Xander unhooked himself and got on the boat, only taking his gun and the explosives with him. He looked around thoughtfully. 'Hmm, I should probably take advantage of the quiet time to place those explosives.'

So, he did; hiding them everywhere, just to make sure that nothing would be left as soon as he pressed the right button. Of course, he had to knockout a couple of really ugly minions while he was doing that.

'Guns-for-hire, Xander, not minions. Minions are for vampires. And being able to walk in sunlight negates the whole vampire theory.' He rolled his eyes at his own thoughts. 'Right, how to get to the head of the ugly bunch? He's probably somewhere where he — or she — can see everything really well.' Xander stood still for a minute. 'The top deck it is then.'

And with that, he began to walk to where he assumed the head to be.

'And let us send up a little prayer that it will be a head with a living, breathing, _human_ body attached to it. Knowing me and my luck, you can never pray enough about things like that.' He looked briefly at the ceiling of the boat. 'For just this once: please, let it be a really, really, _really _gorgeous woman who's doing the bad things. That would make things so much easier for me. I would only need to smile and they would fall all over themselves to get to me. I mean, how much easier than that could things possibly get? Thanks in advance!'

**XXX**

Up above, the God of Comix Relief heard Xander's prayer and decided to answer it.

The joke would be on someone else for once. Someone who was not Xander.

**XXX**

Hearing the scream of rage coming from the top deck, Xander assumed that he was walking in the right direction.

'Wonder what the screaming is about. The boat is still chasing after whatever or whoever the hell it's after, so that can't be it. Not that it really matters because I have arrived!'

Surreptitiously checking to see if anyone was watching him — and relieved to see that no one was going so — Xander quickly did a victory dance. Finding the baddies in question was good cause for celebration, after all.

Channelling his inner Buffy, Xander kicked open the door and in true Xander fashion yelled the two phrases one hears in probably every action flick around, "Hands in the air and keep them where I can see them!"

Seeing that the guys who had been standing around were actually doing what he had yelled, he quickly shot them with his gun, putting them fast to sleep.

'Must tell Willow that the water-proof tranquiliser gun works wonders on the baddies. The first time was definitely not a fluke. But why is that one woman screaming obscenities like that instead of putting up her hands?'

Xander felt insulted. Couldn't she see that he was an extremely dangerous threat to her?

"Hey you, Miss Brunette, put up your arms, will you? I'm threatening you here and all you do is curse like a foul-mouthed sailor," Xander yelled at the extremely loud woman.

"A gun? You think a gun can make me shake in my boots? They took my penis away for fuck's sake!" Bates screamed, his face turning a truly ugly shade of red.

"I don't fucking care! You could have been turned into the ugliest dog on earth for all I care!" Xander yelled back, starting to look pissed off that he wasn't being listened to. "Put your arms up in the air! Right now!"

"Or what?" Bates laughed shrilly. "You'll take away my penis? Too fucking late!"

"Or else I'll blow up your damn boat," Xander told Bates, a smirk now firmly attached to his face.

"You wouldn't do that," Bates said cockily. He truly believed that explosives were hidden on his boat — the crazy look in the eyes of the young man in front of him told him as much — but he still said it with a confidant smirk on his face. "You'll blow up yourself and you wouldn't want that to happen."

"I won't blow myself up," Xander pointed out confidently, "because _I_ will be long gone by the time this boat blows up. I don't think that _you_ will be able to make it off this boat in time, though. So, what's is gonna be? For the last time, Miss-or-Mister-whichever-you-may-be, put your hands in the air!"

Bates narrowed his eyes and watched Xander closely for a minute. Seeing no hint that he was bluffing, he reluctantly put his arms in the air. Xander quickly put that one to sleep too.

'All women — even if those who were once men and who had only recently been turned into women — are such difficult creatures.'

**XXX**

Xander walked to the radio and sighed in relief. 'Thank goodness for moronic bad guys who leave everything open and on like this.'

"Hey, you can stop now," Xander said in the radio.

"Who are you?" a suspicious voice came through the radio.

"I'm the one who knocked all of _them _— whoever they are — out," Xander said proudly, sniffing at all the idiots lying around. 'I-am-a-bad-guy, my ass. The standard of I-want-the-world-cowering-at-my-feet-wannabe-baddies has certainly gone downhill ever since — well, that doesn't really matter, because I'm once again getting off topic.'

Silence was Xander's only answer. He looked confused at the radio and said, "You _did_ hear the shots through the radio, didn't you?"

"I did, but that doesn't mean that I believe you," the voice told him. "You could be another one of _them_ for all I know."

"Good thinking," Xander said, looking around thoughtfully. "My name is Xander Harris and I'll give you a way of verifying my identity. Call this number and tell the one on the phone that you got the number from Xander Harris." He rattled of the number and patiently waited for news from the guy on the other boat.

**XXX**

For a few minutes nothing was heard besides the voice of the other guy talking on the phone.

"I just called _the_ Secretary," the guy on the other end of the radio said. He was obviously shaken by the fact that he had called _him_.

"I know," Xander told him. "Hey, are you okay, man? You sound a bit — um, _strange_ for lack of a better word."

"I just called _the_ Secretary!" The voice neared a screech.

"I know," Xander said again, a bit confused as to why the other guy was making such a big deal out of it. "J.D. doesn't mind, trust me. I call him all the time."

"Never mind." The guy sighed deeply. "I trust you which was the whole point of me making that phone call. My name's Jared."

"Yes, that _was_ the entire point of the phone call. Nice to meet you, Jared. Let's pull up at that small patch of land in the middle and meet in person," Xander suggested to the other guy.

"Ok, see you there," the other man said before stopping the radio conversation.

**XXX**

Xander grinned broadly and shook the other man's hand. "Nice seeing you face to face, Jared."

"Likewise, Xander," Jared told him, appreciating the strong grip the other man had.

"I hope you don't mind me asking, but why were those guys chasing you?" Xander asked curiously when the pleasantries were out of the way.

"Because of what I found," Jared confessed, knowing Xander wasn't after the information for his own gain. That phone call had made sure of that.

"What do you mean?" Xander asked, looking extremely confused. "What did you find?"

"I'm a diver and treasure hunter," Jared answered. "Recently, I found the location of one of the most sought after ships in these parts. Bates wants what I have — always has and probably always will."

"Bates?" Xander asked. "He's the boss man, right?"

"Yeah," Jared said. "He has become even more annoying since me and my long-term girlfriend Sam broke up."

"Why did you break up?" Xander asked. He shook his head. "And why are so willing to tell me all of this?"

"Don't know to both questions." Jared laughed. "I just feel really comfortable around you for some reason."

"I must admit that I feel the same way," Xander confessed with a wink and a smile.

'And the One Who Sees strikes again,' was his immediate thought. He looked at Jared and appreciated the way the other man looked. 'Tanned, washboard abs, dark curls and blue eyes — me likes _a lot_.'

**XXX**

Three Years Later

"Can you believe that it has already been three years?" Xander asked his boyfriend of two years.

He smiled. 'An entire year wasted, so typical of us. Oh well, nothing to do about that. We're together now and that's what matters.'

"Three years since we met." Jared grinned at his lover. "And two years since we became more than friends." He leered down at Xander.

Xander laughed, knowing exactly what was going inside the other man's head. "A one-track mind is what you have, Jared."

"But do you really mind my one-track mind?" Jared asked Xander, settling close to him on the deck of their boat.

"No, I really don't," Xander confessed, giving a wink when he told him that. "But you knew that already, didn't you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, I did know that already." Jared grinned before pulling Xander in for a long, slow, toe-curling kiss.

**End.**

**A/N:** I really hope you liked it, because I loved writing it. If you did like it, please, let me know in a review. If you didn't like it, no need to start with the flaming. Because I could care less about what people who don't like what I'm writing think of my stories or me. Don't like, go away. Quite simple.


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